There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
