did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
