just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
