halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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