I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
