i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
