This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
