u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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