Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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