if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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