My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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