you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
