Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
