The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never underestimate the power of titties
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
