butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
