i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
