Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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