wanna go halves on a baby?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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