Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
