wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
