So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
