Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
