is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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