If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
