To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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