We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
