I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
