You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
