using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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