Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling