Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.