I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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