Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
