I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.