fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house