dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?