I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...