She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog