Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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