I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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