i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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