i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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