She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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