We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
