i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
