All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
