If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize