Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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