well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
