just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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