I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
