1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
