so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
