He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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