found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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