she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
