So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
