If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
