Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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