he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
