Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
