our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
