I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
