then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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