You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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