Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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