Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
