Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
