dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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