I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
