Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
