The maid of honor just puked.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
