I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
