I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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