I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
