I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
