Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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