the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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