Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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