Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize