I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
