The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
