I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
