ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
