Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
