how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just googled if crying burns calories
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
