I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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