that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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