Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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