apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
